I Apologize.

Dear diary,

I know what it feels like to be on the wrong side and how the guilt eats away at me. But I try to apologize before letting anything stand in the way of my relationship with the person I care about. And it might seem very mean, but there are times when I do things that hurt people. There isn’t much I can do about it except apologize. You know those times when your brain stops working completely and you’re unable to take the right decision? Well, it’s one of those times and I feel terrible. I am a horrible, horrible person.  I have no idea if I am going to be forgiven for what I did, but all I can do is try because unless I try, I’ll never know.

Many a time, we do something that we don’t mean to and that one small mistake is enough to put a crack in your bond with someone. We are all afraid to lose the person, and yet we do things that make us lose them. I did something really horrible that I didn’t mean to and I am regretting it terribly right now. Then I wondered how many people go through the exact same thing because of the small mistakes they made and regret it instead of actually doing anything about it. Well, for starters- don’t blog about it just because I did. We are all humans and to err is human.

We always have two options in front of us- owning up to our mistakes or running away from them. But how far can you run? Things like these usually catch up to us. We can run away from the person we offended, but we can never run away from the one thing that is never going to leave us- our conscience. We run away from the people we offended because we do not want to face them with the guilt of what we have done. But owning up and accepting our mistakes is a huge start.  That way, even if the person doesn’t actually accept your apology, you don’t carry the weight of what you did on your shoulders. And if the person doesn’t forgive you? Try again.

” ‘Sorry’ is indeed, one of the most difficult and most powerful words in English, provided one can feel and say it at the same time. It is difficult because you sincerely need to feel the pain of the other person and rise above your ego to say it; it is powerful because you overwhelm the other with the opposite reaction of what they were expecting.”

-Uday Mukerji, Love, Life And Logic

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The first and foremost step towards apologizing is owning up before you have caused too much damage, and trust me when I say that this is the part where you need to have the most courage. Understand that what you have done has hurt the person deeply- you do not get to decide that you didn’t hurt them. Be prepared to listen to what they have to say about it- and be prepared for any anger that comes your way, because it will. But if your apology is sincere enough and you really mean it from the bottom of your heart, don’t worry too much because forgiveness will be given to you if you truly deserve it.

This may take a while, but remember that not everything that breaks has to remain broken. Sit and talk this through. Nothing, and I repeat, nothing is worth losing a good friend. If you have deeply hurt them, give them some time. But apologize. Never stop apologizing. Always be the one to apologize if you value your friendship/ relationship. There is nothing in his world that cannot be solved by a sincere apology and good communication. Chances are that you might end up losing the person if you don’t apologize; and it is just not worth losing people you regret offending.

“It’s more than saying sorry. It’s meaning it. It’s letting the apology change things. But an apology is where it has to begin.”

-Neil Gaiman, MirrorMask

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There can be a million reasons to why you are wrong or why the other person won’t forgive you, but none so good as you severing ties with the person (unless it was something totally unacceptable, of course). But remember that the person who asks for forgiveness is strong at heart because it is not something that the weak willed can do. It takes up every bit of courage to own up to one’s mistakes and seek forgiveness. And the one who forgives? The one who can forgive has the strongest and kindest heart of them all.

So I suddenly thought about this particular topic to write on because of something I did. I feel terrible now. I apologized to my friend the very next minute that I realized I had screwed up really bad. I was scared. I still am scared at how close I was to losing such an amazing person because I did something utterly reckless and stupid. Whatever came over me then, I sure as hell regret it really badly because it almost cost me a friend today. Who knows what my recklessness might result in?

“Its incredible how many wounds can be healed by the two words ‘I’m sorry’.”

-Matshona Dhliwayo

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I want you to know that this isn’t just about me. I did do something that I’m regretting deeply, I even apologized because I didn’t want my friend to think any less of me. I want you to be strong enough to seek forgiveness in order to keep the person in your life. In this day and age, people drift apart because they don’t want to apologize. Instead, they expect an apology for their own mistakes. If only we could let go of the ego and apologize, instead of holding a grudge for years together, we could co-exist more peacefully.

Imagine how much better it would be if people just started apologizing for what they did instead of sitting around complaining about how people just walk out of their lives all the time. There would be much more harmony. People would stop losing their friends and loved ones to ego, misunderstandings  and silence.

“In this lifetime when you deny someone an apology, you will remember it at the time you beg for forgiveness.”

-Toba Beta, My Ancestor Was An Ancient Astronaut

Remember that neither apologizing nor forgiving is the attribute of the weak. They are both qualities that belong to strong people. Apologizing doesn’t make you wrong or weak- it shows that you value your relationships more than your ego, and that isn’t a bad thing. So the next time things go wrong, apologize. Say that you’re sorry and mean it. You never know, you might have just saved your friendship!

Spread the love if you could relate to this article or found it interesting. Also comment and let me know what you think because I would love to hear from all of you!

Cheerio! Xx


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